i love the sun light on my page, with the shadow of the string and the light, hi-lighting fear...demanding you to look at it.

just like fear can do....

it starts with a little fear....a little weed of doubt in the corner of my mind. and then, there is another little weed- backing up that fear, that first weed of doubt that was planted....

but, i am not going to feed the fear.

here is my full project for one little word for september which was fear.

i shared my fear yesterday with the sneak peek, but, what i need to do is to be strong, and keep focused on my art dream....and keep those darn weeds of doubt out.

because the light is so close on this dream...close enough to see and believe.

to believe....in my dream.

i interrupt faces..... to share a secret

i am going to share a sneak peek of my one little word project for this month and let you in on a secret....

fear....to feed the fear. i don't want this to happen- the feeding part into my fear; so why is it so relatively easy to feed into this? i hate this....

my latest conflict involves the fact that i was asked in my big-girl job to take on additional responsibilities to make me full time, which makes me feel good- i must be doing a good job; and which is definitely beneficial for my family with our oldest in his third year of college, a senior who is looking at colleges, and a sophomore who will turn 16 this next week and is hoping to drive....and preferably a car that is "his."

okay- now back to the fear part.....while the full time pay and benies are great...my art and blog are now taking a bit of a back seat these last few weeks, and my fear is losing what i have worked so hard to build including this blog. i have a huge fall coming up with several publications coming out but, i don't want to be one of those blogger who apologizes for not posting due to blah, blah, blah....but, as i look at my last post- a week ago....that is what i feel like....apologizing.

instead of apologizing and letting this fear creep in, i simply need to figure out how to arrange my evenings better and use my time more wisely. i still feel like i am adjusting to this whole full time status- as i have been part time for the past 12 years....i am not sure how i worked full time when the kids were little?! in my sleep depraved state i must not have noticed how tired i was and just kept going until i feel asleep where ever i was.

as my weeds of doubt about my use of time and what i am doing with my evenings is trying to erode away and create fear within me....i need to stay focused and keep moving closer to the dream. i must be strong and believe....stop back tomorrow to see my whole project for the month's fear.....

ripple

i was asked to donate a piece to the children's care hospital event called "doctors in concert." the person who is organizing the event had stopped into the gallery and really liked my work. she had especially liked the work entitled "are you listening?"

after i had agreed to donate a piece, one that is currently into the works, and drop it off at the gallery for her next week, a small ripple of fear went through me. first of all, it is a work in progress- note, it is not finished; and what if she doesn't like it or if it wouldn't live up to her expectations?

it is always easy to take the commission or work, but, then, there is always this brief moment of fear when someone is really relying on this work; this isn't something you just created, really liked, and now are selling- this is something they are trusting you to make, create for them. trust...so, i am going to...
trust in my own listening (and listen to that internal whisper of creativity),
trust in my dreams (i am holding the door open- i saw the light and i am looking
into it to see what other wishes come tumbling out)
trust in my work and be honored i was asked.