Sunday, September 14, 2014
i interrupt faces..... to share a secret
fear....to feed the fear. i don't want this to happen- the feeding part into my fear; so why is it so relatively easy to feed into this? i hate this....
my latest conflict involves the fact that i was asked in my big-girl job to take on additional responsibilities to make me full time, which makes me feel good- i must be doing a good job; and which is definitely beneficial for my family with our oldest in his third year of college, a senior who is looking at colleges, and a sophomore who will turn 16 this next week and is hoping to drive....and preferably a car that is "his."
okay- now back to the fear part.....while the full time pay and benies are great...my art and blog are now taking a bit of a back seat these last few weeks, and my fear is losing what i have worked so hard to build including this blog. i have a huge fall coming up with several publications coming out but, i don't want to be one of those blogger who apologizes for not posting due to blah, blah, blah....but, as i look at my last post- a week ago....that is what i feel like....apologizing.
instead of apologizing and letting this fear creep in, i simply need to figure out how to arrange my evenings better and use my time more wisely. i still feel like i am adjusting to this whole full time status- as i have been part time for the past 12 years....i am not sure how i worked full time when the kids were little?! in my sleep depraved state i must not have noticed how tired i was and just kept going until i feel asleep where ever i was.
as my weeds of doubt about my use of time and what i am doing with my evenings is trying to erode away and create fear within me....i need to stay focused and keep moving closer to the dream. i must be strong and believe....stop back tomorrow to see my whole project for the month's fear.....