fear....to feed the fear. i don't want this to happen- the feeding part into my fear; so why is it so relatively easy to feed into this? i hate this....
my latest conflict involves the fact that i was asked in my big-girl job to take on additional responsibilities to make me full time, which makes me feel good- i must be doing a good job; and which is definitely beneficial for my family with our oldest in his third year of college, a senior who is looking at colleges, and a sophomore who will turn 16 this next week and is hoping to drive....and preferably a car that is "his."
okay- now back to the fear part.....while the full time pay and benies are great...my art and blog are now taking a bit of a back seat these last few weeks, and my fear is losing what i have worked so hard to build including this blog. i have a huge fall coming up with several publications coming out but, i don't want to be one of those blogger who apologizes for not posting due to blah, blah, blah....but, as i look at my last post- a week ago....that is what i feel like....apologizing.
instead of apologizing and letting this fear creep in, i simply need to figure out how to arrange my evenings better and use my time more wisely. i still feel like i am adjusting to this whole full time status- as i have been part time for the past 12 years....i am not sure how i worked full time when the kids were little?! in my sleep depraved state i must not have noticed how tired i was and just kept going until i feel asleep where ever i was.
as my weeds of doubt about my use of time and what i am doing with my evenings is trying to erode away and create fear within me....i need to stay focused and keep moving closer to the dream. i must be strong and believe....stop back tomorrow to see my whole project for the month's fear.....
If you really love your day job, then perhaps you can try full-time on a probational basis first...to see how it works for YOU, without committing yourself to FT forever. If you don't really love your job, then I'd say, don't go full time. Unless you really love it -- love what you do, love the people, it's a good environment for you in all ways -- then giving more of yourself away to it might be too much of a personal sacrifice. Good luck with your decision. And don't worry about the blog and your art, if you do go for more hours at work -- you'll manage somehow. xo
ReplyDeleteKristen, best to you and I know you will make the decision that you need to make. You are a wonderful artist, keep the dream, and full time will seem like a breeze.. You will accomplish more in the shorter working hours on the art, because you will stay Focused! Blessings, and (((hugs))) Pat
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